I have two daughters going to prom this year. And things have changed a lot since I went to prom. Of course the dress (shopping for which is worthy of its own post) and corsage/boutonnière are still standard fare, but the ASKING for the date and the ANSWERING are a bit (no actually A LOT) more elaborate. In case you are as old as me, and remember the asking being a shy, awkward, “I was wondering if you’d like to go to the prom with me,” and the answering being, “sure” (while either rejoicing that the “perfect” date had taken notice and asked, or trying to push down that “sinking feeling” that you would be enduring a formal evening with a less-than-perfect date all the time watching the “perfect date” enjoying the evening with someone else.) here’s a quick update of the new status quo in prom asking/answering etiquette: (And FYI, it puts A LOT of pressure on the parent(s) of the girl-aka me!). The preparation begins months before with the “reserving.” This is the gallant, medieval-type practice of the would be “asker” approaching the parent of the “askee” to obtain permission to “reserve” (and eventually ask) his hoped-for date. And this is also the point where the approached parent begins to feel as though she (or I guess it could be the dad-in my case it’s always been me) is being slowly submerged in a giant pressure cooker. Of course this conversation usually only lasts a few moments, but it feels like an eternity, as the parent (me) tries to remember who this young man is-in my experience this process has always been done on the phone so I sometimes don’t even know what he looks like-and if he is someone who 1-I should ALLOW to take my daughter to the prom and 2-she would LIKE to go to the prom with. After answering in the affirmative, the parent (me) begins a massive research project perusing old yearbooks, phoning friends, and hoping that the answer given was the “right” one. The parent may tell the girl that she has been reserved but should not reveal the identity of the “reserver.” (This requires a lot of parental tact, stamina, and continued reassuring that the "reserver" is "prom-date worthy," all while said parent keeps her fingers crossed that she will not be given three years of the silent treatment, if she inadvertantly gave permission to the wrong "reserver.") Then the girl, patiently waits for the “reserver” to reveal his identity through a formal (and the key word here is “formal”) asking ritual. This can be anything from a scavenger hunt, to flowers delivered during a school assembly, to a giant sign on the highway to any number of other creative, unusual, and/or embarrassing venues. This year, Kaylee was asked via a scavenger hunt in which poems guided her to various locations which spelled out “prom.” The hunt ended at Mcdonald’s (The “M” in prom) where she found the “asker” who made the official request and then bought her a milkshake. Lynae came home to a balloon and streamer filled room with a rose-petal heart on her bed topped with an envelope containing the prom ticket and an “official ask” from the now-revealed date. BUT….it doesn’t end there. No, the ANSWER, must be as formal as the question, so now that prom is less than a week away, and both my girls have been officially asked (Kaylee’s was just made official Monday night), both are scrambling as they prepare their answers (in addition to figuring out the perfect hairdo, nails, and jewelry.....-dresses and all that associated drama have already been decided on.)
Aw, the pressures of youth. Forget about the AP calculus test coming up in less than a week, all free time MUST be devoted to preparing the perfect “answer.”
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| Burning "R" (2nd stop on Kaylee's "P-R-O-M" scavenger hunt.) |
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| Lynae's offical "request" P.S. Both girls plan to answer in the affirmative. I must have "chosen wisely" in my parental responses to the "reservation requests." Oh the parental pressure...And this is only the prom-good thing I don't live in an arranged marriage culture. |
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