Why moms should never work - ever

Why moms should never work -EVER

Ok, if I had any readers besides my mother, I might worry that I would get hate mail for this post, and I need to state a couple of disclaimers before I go any further.  First, I work.  I am teaching school (sort of-but that's a post for another day).  I like, no, LOVE to teach school.  (When I wasn't teaching school, I day-dreamed about different lesson possibilities and teaching techniques, and mentally "set up" classrooms, daily schedules, positive discipline plans, and learning centers. My own kids often got to had to be my "students.")  Secondly, I know that ALL moms work, and those who do not work outside the home, usually work harder than those that do.  (I remember that I occasionally substitute taught when I had 4 pre-schoolers, and I was always so amazed-pleasantly so-that when  I picked the kids up from the sitter's (often Grandma Barlow's) at 3 or 4 p.m. and returned home that my house was still soooo clean-no one had been there all day to mess it up.) With that being said, my list of ten reasons "why" is as follows:

1-laundry.  It doesn't get done. (Or if it does, it doesn't get folded or put away.)

2-meals.  They don't get fixed.  (We have assigned different family members-besides me-different nights, but often that family member-including me when it is my turn-has another obligation or is too tired.  - Once I actually fell asleep on my night.  I don't really know what everyone ate for dinner that night-I was asleep-Remember?)

3-homework.  It may or may not get done.  (Now if you've been reading my blog, you know that this is where you gasp-what?!  Kay does not make sure her kids get their homework done?!  But after helping other children do school work all day, somehow, the "fun" is gone, and also it just doesn't seem that important anymore, so yes maybe, just maybe, Trent went to school several times last week without completing his entire Algebra assignment, and maybe Luke's entire 5th grade reading log for the last couple of weeks has consisted of comic book "selections.")

4-extra curricular activities.  Children may or may not attend and/or participate.  (Scouts is just down the street from our house, but can I remember to send Luke?  usually, but not always, and the "at home" scout requirements-well, let's just say that Luke is not on the fast track for getting his Webelos patch anytime soon. Piano lessons:  I have good intentions every morning to make sure Trent practices after school, but when he and I are home from school and he is reading comic books and eating a burrito, and I am laying on the couch looking at a magazine, somehow, I don't want to remind him or encourage him to do this task.  One day missed won't matter right?  Until I realize he hasn't practiced in a month!)

5- patience.  I have none.  (Even though I teach the LDS family services parenting class, and have done so for 5 years, I find myself snapping at my kids with phrases like, "because I said so" or "you should have thought of that earlier."  After working outside the home all day, my mental/emotional energy is drained, and even though I know the right and patient way to parent, my children are not the beneficiaries of my knowledge base.  Now I know that stay-at-home moms have this problem at the end of the day when they are tired too, but at least when I was a stay-at-home mom, my kids got the earlier-in-the-day-patient-version of mom.  Now other people's children get that version of me, and my kids get the left over end-of-the-day-impatient-tired-grumpy version of mom.)

6-housekeeping.  it doesn't happen.  (Now again, if you've read this blog, you know that cleaning is kinda a big deal to me, and I do try to quick mop the kitchen and vacuum the traffic areas before I leave for school each day.  But today, as I was helping Luke with his Saturday chores and NOT using good parenting skills (see number 5 above), I went to put something away in the storage room and realized how "piled up" it is becoming, and instead of being excited to tackle it and clean it out, I just shut the door, and thought "oh well."  And Trent has been moved into Dallin's room for several months, and still doesn't have a closet in there, because I need to get in there and clean stuff out of
Dallin's closet to make room for Trent's stuff, but no matter how much of a "priority" it seems in the morning before work, after work, the priority seems to be, lay on the couch and read a magazine.)

7-the economy.  it's broken.  (Ok this one surely won't score me any "brownie points" with the "equal rights" advocates, and it's kinda "out there" but guess what? if we went back to everyone living on one income, rather than two, the economy would have to adjust.  Historically, inflated prices for cars, homes, and consumer goods have corresponded to the increase in the median household income.  (If the average household has more money to spend, prices will increase-which, by the way, makes it VERY difficult for those families who choose or have to live on one income when the majority of households live on two.)  I know that's a very VERY simplistic "solution" to a very complex problem, and I'm not an economist, and I'm smart enough to know it would never happen, but wouldn't it be nice if the price of a brand new car were $4000 again?)

8-the family.  the disintegration of the family is the root of many, if not most, social problems.  (At school I see kids that come from struggling families, and they (the kids) struggle academically, emotionally, and socially.  Society tries to "fix" these problems by "legislating" "programs":  breakfast at school, after school tutoring programs, mentoring and/or big brother programs - all "programs" which fill needs that the family should be filling, but for reasons  1-6 above is too tired, splintered, or busy to fill.)

9-cookies and a story.  it doesn't happen-unless it's at "school" or at some other "program" -see number 8 above.  (It's already a known fact that I don't like to bake, but there is some part of me, that wanted to and liked to occasionally be the cookie-baking mom, who had homemade cookies for her kids after school and met them at the door with this delicious home-made treat.  I did (and still do) like to read to my kids.  However, after working all day, I want someone to meet me at the door with cookies and read to me!  Even my mother, who did not work when I was little, but worked as a kindergarten teacher when my kids were growing up, lamented one day to me that she was not the grandma her mother was who had homemade cookies in the cookie jar and read to her grandchildren, but instead was the grandma who had a freezer full of popsicles and satellite tv with cartoon network.  That being said, my mom was/is an AWESOME grandma/kindergarten teacher-and I count it as one of the coolest things that she taught all 6 of my kids in kindergarten.  And...I'm not sure my kids minded at all having the popsicle/cartoon rather than the cookie/story grandma-especially since she didn't mind if they ate popsicles in the basement on the couch-where more than one red or purple popsicle met a stain-inducing, melty fate when a cartoon viewer became so engrossed in the intricacies of Sponge Bob, that he/she forgot he/she was holding/eating a popsicle.)

10-moms only get one shot.  (I can work forever.  I can learn new things forever.  I can pursue hobbies, travel, and other interests forever, BUT...I only get one year of having a 4-year-old Analise or for that matter having a 20-year-old Analise, so when she needs attention as a 4-year-old or a 20-year old, I WANT to be able to provide it.  I WANT to be available via phone whenever my three who have left the nest call.  I WANT to be able to run a missing lunch to a forgetful 5th grader.   I WANT to parent with patience.  I WANT to be a homemaker who makes a home that is a refuge from the world, complete with cookies, stories, and delicious, nutritious meals.  I believe in eternity.  I believe that if I live right, my children will be mine forever, but while I believe I can do all the extra things-hobbies, teaching, and learning forever during the eons of eternity, I believe that THIS life is the ONLY time I get to raise these 6 kids, and I don't WANT to miss one little bit of it because I was too tired or was at work.)

So I'll wrap up this incredibly long post which I am sure no one but my mother will read in its entirety.  I am working this year, and I worked last year.  Neither job was "planned," but just kinda happened.  I was offered a long-term sub job last year, which, I thought might last a couple of months, but ended up lasting the entire school year. And this year, mid-August, I was offered a licensed teaching job at the elementary school which no one else wanted-it's not a bad job-it just is not a regular classroom teacher job, and since Kent has been out of work for 6 months and his severance and our savings won't-and isn't-lasting forever, I figured I'd better take it. Kent has been amazingly helpful around the house and filling in, BUT he is not a mom.  (Even though Andy Griffith was a great dad, Opie had an Aunt Bea.) I'm sure he has not even noticed or worried about most of the things listed above.  He doesn't know what weeks we have carpool (but he will drive if I tell him).  He doesn't know what homework the kids have or what days/times they have scouts, cheerleading, or other activities.  And I don't think that that is a bad thing.  The Family-A Proclamation to the World, states, "By divine design, fathers are to preside...provide...and (protect)....Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children." (emphasis added). Dads are not designed to nurture, and moms are not designed to provide, preside, and protect.  So dads might not remember every "nurturing detail," and it probably doesn't bother them,  but moms don't always want to be the last word (Have you ever heard, "Go ask your dad"?), or make sure the car has safe tires, or "bring home the bacon."  And that's all right.  It doesn't make dads and moms unequal, it just makes them different.  Furthermore, The Proclamation goes on to state, "In these sacred responsibilities fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners......circumstances may necessitate individual adaptations." (emphasis added).  So dad can help with dinner, laundry, and carpooling (but he may have to be asked to help, because those types of things are not necessarily his forte), and mom can change a tire, or lead a family discussion, or even "bring home the bacon" (but she may not find it the most rewarding experience.)  The fact is families need both a mom AND a dad; each has a role to fulfill and each feels more fulfilled when he/she is filling that role, which is why, in my eyes, in a perfect world, moms would get to spend their entire lives here on earth doing what they were designed to do: nurturing their children.

Me as a "stay-at-home" mom reading stories to kids.  I love that Luke has no clothes on, is sucking his thumb, and holding my hair, and note the "shield" Trent is holding-yep, boys are designed to protect; they come that way; that's why they like "weapons" - not cause they are violent, but because they are valiant!  (I apologize for my appearance-still in my exercise clothing with no make up and a pony tail.)



One of my stay-at-home-mom after school cookie treats-circa fall 2010

Me-first day of school August 2012

Have some pie with your philosophy

Have some pie with your philosophy

I made this peach pie today.

Actually, I made two.  My mom gave me the peaches, so I made one for us and one for her.
And to be a "true blogger" I actually took a picture of it and will post the recipe below. So those of you who want to skip the "philosophy" part of this post and just get to the recipe, be my guest, but I do love to "yak" and so for you stalwart readers who can make it through my long blog posts, here's a bit of pie-making history and philosophy:

 

If you've read my blog (or even the "about" section on the front page) you know that I really do not like to cook, so why did I make a pie today? Well, maybe it's so I could post a picture of it and a recipe and prove that I really can cook.  (Although, since I think I have all of two readers, one of whom is my mother, I don't think that was really a reason.)  I didn't HAVE to make a pie, but I did anyway.  And as I was rolling out the crust, I realized that therein was the answer, I was cooking because I WANTED to!  I once read a book entitled, The Truth About Stress.  The author's premise was that ALL stress is caused when human agency is violated.  When one feels compelled or forced to do something-a job, an assignment, or even cooking-stress results.  Now I don't know if this is entirely true, but here I was cooking, something that I have determined I do NOT like to do, and I was enjoying it! However, I was not making the pie under pressure (no time limit involved), I was not making it to take to a sick neighbor (OK I know that makes me sound like a horrible person, but when making food for others, there is always some stress involved-worrying about how said food will turn out/taste), and I was not making it as part of an obligatory "meal."  (Being a mom for 22 years and trying to think what to make and then make it for 7 other people, 3x a day, is exhausting.)  While I peeled peaches, I thought about learning to make pies, and that was a fun memory.  (When I was 15, my second cousin, DeAnn, came to live with us for a summer, and my mom wanted to keep us busy and productive. Among other things, she had us go down to Bonnie Bowler's once a week for a "pie-making" lesson.  We made a different pie from scratch every week.  I learned how to make a perfectly light and flaky crust, make scrumptious lemon meringue filling from scratch, and how to make a banana cream pie with home-made pudding (rather than from-the-box) filling.  It was a fun and delicious way to spend the summer.  Peach pie was one of my favorites that we made, and each fall when the peaches "come to town," I get the urge to make a pie or two.  So even though I seldom make pies from scratch anymore-usually we just buy our pies from Tiffany's-I still count "pie-making" as one of my skills and something that I now realize is enjoyable to me when I am not being "compelled."

 So without further ado, the recipe:

 

Pie Crust:  Bonnie Bowler-Makes 2-3 crusts (I usually just roll out the extra dough on a cookie sheet, sprinkle it with cinnamon and sugar and bake at 400 for 15 minutes.  Then I cut it into strips using a pizza cutter and my kids enjoy "pie dough cookies."  Sometime I think they enjoy these more than the actual pie.)

 

3 cups flour (exactly-measure carefully)

1 tsp salt 

1 1/4 cups shortening (For the flakiest crust-use Crisco-and no that 's not a paid advertisement :)

1 egg, well beaten

1 tablespoon vinegar (white)

4 tablespoons water

 

Sift flour into bowl with salt.  Add shortening.  Using a pastry blender (or two knives) "cut" shortening into flour until the mixture is coarse crumbs.  In a separate bowl, mix together wet ingredients.  Add wet ingredients to flour mixture.  Hand mix until crust molds together.  (Don't handle too much, just kind of "push" the dough together. The less the crust is handled, the flakier it will be.) Roll out between two pieces of Saran Wrap.  (Pull the top piece off and pick up bottom piece and use it to "carry" crust to pan.  Flip crust into pan.)  Add filling (for peach pie) and top crust and cook according to peach pie directions below.  (For plain crust-to be used in lemon or banana cream pies- cut slits in bottom of crust and cook at 375 for 15-20 minutes-just watch it so it doesn't get too brown.) 

 

Peach Pie:  Bonnie Bowler (Actually works with any fresh fruit, but peach is our family's favorite.)

 

1 egg

2 tablespoons flour

2/3-1 cup sugar

1/3 cup melted butter

fresh fruit (peaches) peeled and sliced-enough to fill pastry

 

Mix first four ingredients together and then stir in fruit.  Put into pastry and add top pastry.  Cut slits in top of pastry and "pinch off" sides of pastry.  Bake at 400 for 15 minutes and the 350 for 30-40 minutes.  (Watch it so it doesn't get to brown.)

 

*Wow I blogged two days in a row!  And this post has a recipe-that's got to be some kind of a record for me! 

 

**I'm realizing that it is probably a good thing I typed and posted these recipes, the original hand-written copies, written by yours truly at age 15 (30 years ago-yikes!) are in pretty bad shape-I'm not sure how many more "pie-makings" they will be able to withstand.

 

 

Oh Come With Me To Primary

Oh Come With Me to Primary

Sunday a member of the stake primary presidency spoke in our ward.  She asked what we remembered about our primary days, and that got me to thinking so here are a few "primary memories."

• Going to Primary on Wednesday afternoons after school.  (My primary years were all "pre-3-hour-block" ones.)
• Wearing a dress to school on Wednesdays so I could go in the chapel for opening exercises.
• Riding the bus to Primary and having the bus come back after Primary to pick kids up and deliver them to their homes.  (I never rode the bus home after Primary cause my house was closer to the church than was my bus stop, but it was still pretty cool service "back in the day" when the principal was also the stake pres. and no one was quite so "uptight" about this type of thing.)
• Riding an incredibly crowded bus home on Tuesday afternoons after the wards split and the second ward had Tuesday Primary and all rode my same bus to the church.
• Avoiding Sister Pricilla Rice with her cute little hats because she assigned talks and prayers.  (She must have been the secretary.)
• Thinking it would be so cool to work in the church library because it had that "split door" where the top half could open while the bottom half was shut.  (The library was in the little room next to the phone by the stage for anybody that remembers the old Logandale church before it burned.)
• Playing "colored eggs" on the big front lawn of the church before the first addition which extended the chapel almost to the road.  We would all squish in the architectural indentation on the front of the church while the child who was "it" called out colors.  If your color was called, you ran out and around on the big lawn and tried not to get tagged by "it."
• Corinne wearing a bandana every Primary day.  (She told me later that it was because Wednesday night was her "hair-washing" night and her hair was getting greasy by Tuesday-Sorry for the "blog-beating" Corinne, but hey it WAS the 70's and we wore bandanas a lot-I would have never known about the "hair issue" if you hadn't shared that little gem.)  Once Michael Cameron stole Corinne's bandana and tried to put it on the flag pole.
• Baptism interview in the upstairs bishop's office with Uncle Glen
• Baptism in the brand new font in the R.S. room addition.  (Previously the font was in the basement primary room.)
• Little Purple Pansies, In the Leafy Treetops, and Obedience.  (Some of my favorite Primary songs.  What happened to "Obedience?"  It's not in the new Children's Songbook.

"There is something that even a child can do. For greater than deeds of war,
obey God's word; obey God's word; for He will ask no more."

A short little song, but I love it's message-maybe it was deleted because of the reference to "war"-I don't know.)

• Speaking of Primary songs-the old orange Primary songbook:  Sing With Me
• Sister Beth Waite being my teacher.  (She's STILL in my ward-how cool is that?!, and I visit taught her for a few years.  She is one of my all-time favorite people.)
• Having Aunt Elaine as my teacher.  She had such cool visual aids.  
• My mom being the Primary President for EIGHT years.  (Some were after I was no longer in Primary-but hey-it's still a "primary memory".)
• Marathon Primary presidency meetings around our dining room table where the first agenda item was ALWAYS "evaluate."  My mom was ALWAYS trying to improve Primary from how the chairs were arranged to the primary program to the quarterly activities.
• Mom's "dates" with Brother Ozaki and Brother Dalley (bishopric members over Primary.)  They would "go out" together to issue Primary callings (Yeah, that would never happen now.)
• Playing the piano for Primary (NOT my favorite calling-but it was probably good for me.)
• Attending Primary "inservice" meetings.  (I got to go because of my piano-playing calling.) There were always awesome treats, and Renae Terry gave some amazing lessons-I was even impressed as a youth, and Primary "inservice" is what got me to read the entire Doctrine and Covenants for the first time.  I remember we had a little book mark with weekly reading assignments, and I faithfully read each assignment.
• Primary birthday pennies.  When we had a birthday, we brought a penny for each year of our lives and got to put them in the jar for the kids at Primary Children's Hospital after the rest of the primary children sang "This Month is Such a Special One...." or "Happy Happy Birthday Children Dear...." to the birthday honorees.

The "architectural indentation" where we played "colored eggs" I'm not sure WHY I have this picture of Patrice Pulsipher, Becky Waite, and Eric Russell at  Primary, but hey, it's a Primary pic :)

Me and my Dad before my baptism-Note the "yellow bee" car in the carport

Well, this post is long enough.  Interestingly, none of my Primary memories are of "gospel concepts" learned.  But I'm sure I learned something from Sister Waite, Aunt Elaine, and my other teachers, and the Primary songs all teach "gospel concepts, " and besides Primary was just a fun place to be (and still is-one of my favorite callings I've ever had was being the Primary chorister.)

A cool birth day

A cool birth day

14 years ago yesterday was labor day, and much to my dismay I was NOT in labor.  Baby #5 was 12, yeah that's right 12, DAYS LATE.  (Only those who have had late babies know what it's like to have EVERYONE, and I mean EVERYONE ask, "Haven't you had that baby yet?"  What kind of a question is THAT?!  Does it LOOK like I've "had that baby yet"?  Do you see me carrying a baby on the EXTERIOR of me? NOPE? Well, then nope, I haven't "had that baby yet.")  Baby #5 was due the end of  August, and being 12 days overdue put me in a whole other month.  It was like having a 10-month pregnancy.  I cried the Sunday before labor day at the prospect of going to church still pregnant.  But late Monday night, September 7th, labor started, and we made it to the St. George hospital in time, but the doctor almost didn't. He arrived in a rush with "bed head" and didn't even take time to change his clothes before catching Trent Douglas Barlow as he FINALLY made his grand entrance into the world on September 8th at 2:04 a.m.  As the nurses were recording vital statistics, one of them remarked, "Now that's a cool birthday, 9-8-98!"  Wow, I hadn't even noticed, and suddenly, the fact that Trent came 12 days late didn't matter quite so much (OK, from the remarks above you can see it still did and does matter a little) cause 9-8-98 is a pretty cool birth day.
So happy birthday Trenty boy!  We love having you in our family, and I love being your mom! And you have a pretty darn cool birthday to boot!

Baby Trent 1998



Big Trent-celebrating 14th birthday tubing at the lake with friends

 
A cool birthday addendum

And....just to make a cool birthday, even cooler, Trent caught a long bomb and ran it into the endzone for the first touchdown of the 8th grade football game today (9-8-2012) (which his team won). Way to go Trent! (If ya gotta spend your birthday playing football, catching a pass and making a touchdown, seem an appropriate way to celebrate :)